Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
