I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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