then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
