Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
