just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
