He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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