Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Floor bacon is actually really good
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
