yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
