I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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