I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
