just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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