Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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