why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
