What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
