so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
