When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
