Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.

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(779): View more from Illinois

should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?

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(845): View more from New York

We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.

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(480): View more from Arizona

In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.

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(206): View more from Washington

He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.

(415): View more from California

Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.

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(646): View more from New York

I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch

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(727): View more from Florida

i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?

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