i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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