For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
