Soap is not a condiment
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
