His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
