i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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