well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
