Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
