I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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