so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
