finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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