10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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