So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
