Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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