Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
