I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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