can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
