Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
