Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The Olympian is in my bed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
