Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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