So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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