They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
