Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
