there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
