his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
