Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
