i was born a porn star she said
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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