piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
