i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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