did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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