Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i believe in u and ur pee
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