i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
