Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
