Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
