He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
