girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
