Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
